Come comrades of Eelam dear! Let’s celebrate non-existence

(By Karthika Gnanachandran)

“Oh! Oh! Jokers galore. I love it all,” Alice in Wonderland

A fortnight’s determined campaign by Toronto’s LTTE diehards to show the world that the Tigers are still alive and roaring and Tamil Eelam will soon be a reality petered into a tame non-event Maveerar Festival Sunday November 27 at the Markham Fair Grounds.

Scheduled as a whole day event and warned that the car park would be full by 5 59 AM, the first drip of audience participation began at 11 00 AM. By this time several items were canceled for want of patronage. And some children had to go for Sai Baba’s bajan and some others for karate. Many elders preferred Black Friday shopping that ended on Sunday to store up presents for weddings, birthdays and samathyams; three kettles for the price of two is a good bargain.

The organizers were desperate for a crowd and the pro-LTTE TVI kept on calling people to leave behind whatever they were doing to get to the grounds and join in the day’s entertainment.

During the fortnight’s run up there was a flurry of activity with posters of Prabakaran in his military regalia appearing and disappearing and hush-hush discussions as to how best a united Tamil pro-LTTE support could be shown.

There were talks that all the groups must work together and have a resounding great function but that was not to be. Some expressed fears that they may be questioned publicly about the hitherto unaccounted, uninformed and supposed to be unspent millions collected through devious means from the Diaspora, even to identify the holders of the funds immaterial if some had fled Canada with their boot and plunder. There was great deal of nervousness yet it was important for the LTTE diehards to have a show.

While the prime minister of one of the non-existing Eelam states whose presence was obvious by his absence said he could not participate in a reality event, the deputy prime minister of another such state decked in a chain of doctorates from Alaveddy to Atchuvely made a quick appearance and was gone in a flash. He had to catch a flight to Chennai to complete an unfinished engagement. It is wondered whether he is involved in a deep penetration activity.

The prime minister of this state was totally absent concerned about crossing the world’s longest border in case he becomes a state guest. 

The same predicament applied to the speakers, ministers and parliamentarians of all the non-existing governments and thirteen more yet to be, before the Olympic Year Maveerar Day.

As for the crowd participation, a pro-TVI spokesperson ‘guestimated’ 40,000, a pro-LTTE enthusiast on the site said 4,000 and the festival tent could seat only 2,000.  This number game is certainly puzzling unless there were 38,000 who had gathered to buy kacchan halva at the nearby Chinese delicatessen.

By Saturday all the Tamil shops were ordered to close and most did and did their rare mall shopping with hardly any one going to the Markham Fair Grounds.

In actual matter of fact, the Heroes Day in Toronto was celebrated only by the prime minister and government to be of the non-existing Eelam State beyond the Ocean to be, that is in the near future.

It is said that before the next Maveerar Day, there will be twelve non-existing Eelam States beyond the Ocean existing because the prime minister of one of the non-existing existing states, wanted for questioning in  connection with three murders in Jaffna, has announced that he will call for a Federal Democratic State of Eelam beyond the Ocean.

His ambition now is to become a Federal Prime Minister and enjoy the same status accorded to Prime Minister Stephen Harper. He has certainly come a long way from the office of Arulampalam in Nallur where he held the office of Fee Master General (FMG).

He was once noted to have stated that Kappang Kara Minusu are the salt of the earth.

Meanwhile Thani Thavil Veeran of global quality, Kuttamatta Mani has suggested that Eelam should be declared a kingdom and has traced his ancestry to Veera Pandya Chera Cholan. His drum solo of his World Class Tamil Thani Thavil is to be broadcast shortly on their non-existing TV said the prime minister of the non-existing Democratic Eelam state beyond the Ocean.

There are unconfirmed reports that Kuttamatta Mani and his New Tigers are planning military exercises near  Analaithivu employing deep penetration tactics armed with highly toxic cleaning liquids in tidal waves. Their service anthem that inspires them is, “Whisk it  more, whisky darling.”

‘If everything that is non-existing is existing then what happens to everything that exists?” Alice in Wonderland